Talking about religiosity, Qataris are very much different from the Saudis. In Riyadh where we lived for six years, it has been the general practice that during prayer time, (salah) all shops are closed and workers stop from working. We have experienced several times that even if we are not yet done eating, in some restaurants; we have to go out while in others, lights are shut down and we are locked inside.
During my short stay in Doha, I have noticed that even during prayer time, shops are open and you can see children playing on the field. Everybody go about their task even on prayer time. Could it be because Saudi Arabia is the center of Islam, the seat of Kaaba? Or is it in their culture? In Qatar, women are allowed to drive, a no no in Saudi Arabia. Women are not also wearing the black gown (abaya) and the veil (tarha) unlike in Saudi Arabia where even the non-Muslims are required to wear. I have several experiences with the mutawah, religious police, who accosted me for not wearing a veil. One time, I was in a bookstore buying school supplies for my children. A bearded guy wearing the traditional white dress called thob, stand by my side and talked to me in a very low voice....Do you know that women here are required to cover their hair? ( I always wear my hair long and I find it uncomfortable to cover my hair, first it is hot and second, the veil always fall down)...Explaining I was new in the Kingdom and was not aware of the regulation, I promised him that I will always cover my hair… a promise that was broken many times. Once scary encounter I had with the mutawah was when I was inside a mall walking with my uncovered hair. A mutawah and a police tried to stop me while uttering words in Arabic. I was aware why they were accosting me; I was not wearing a veil. I hurriedly went inside a shop that sells veils and pretended I am buying one. Good enough, they could not follow me inside the shop because it was a woman shop. That saved me. In Saudi, a mutawah, accompanied by a police, can effect arrest. That was also a big difference here in Doha. In malls and supermarket, mingling with opposite sex is not prohibited. Aside for some few who are wearing abaya and tarha and from the Arabic language, you would not think you are in a Muslim country. It is a far cry from Riyadh where women are limited to talk (socially) only to their husband or fellow women when in public place. Anyway, it is an interesting experience to learn different culture, meet different people and see different places. It enriches our knowledge and widens our perspective in life. We see how blessed and progressive we are in more ways than the others.
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Independence came early to Xylem and Barbie. Only in their teens, (Xylem, 18 and Barbie, 17,) they were left to tend on their own in Manila in 2007 while attending their university studies. They did their own marketing, managed the household and budget their allowances.
They were left with a stiff “instruction” that any deviance from their studies would mean a stop on financial support. Their privilege to grow as normal individuals was not, however, curtailed. They partied, went to places with their friends, have their boyfriends. They have more fun which I believed other children of strict parents failed to enjoy than they did. I was also a strict mom though, not just strict but a fierce mom. During their younger years, my fangs and claws were always ready to parry any predator that would prey on them. And like mother hen, I always keep them under my wings to protect and shield them from any harm and danger. But being protective has limits. As they grow up, I gradually distanced myself from providing “physical” protection. I started helping them acquire skills and values and motivated them to become responsible and independent individuals. They became aware that they are solely responsible for their own future. Nobody, not even we, their parents, can secure their good future. And I always remind them that while others professed that they love them, no one and nobody will love them truly except themselves. I know I can trust them and true enough, Xylem and Barbie managed their own lives, they knew their priorities and worked on them. They finished their studies without much glitch. But that was just one phase of their life. They lived comfortably in a flat which we own and with financial support from their dad. They did not have to worry where to get money to pay the utility bills, to buy food and even for their shopping spree and gimmicks. This time, Xy and Bar started their journey towards total independence. They pay their bills, buy their food, and attend to their needs. They are now on their own, away, in a foreign land, with no relatives around. It was a mixed feeling leaving them this time. The fact that Sweden is a safer place compared to the Philippines did not ease my worries. When before, my major worry was they might go wayward and fail to finish their studies, this time it’s a confluence of many fears and apprehensions. Can they manage financially, what if their earning is just enough to cover their basic needs; do they have to work harder to survive? What if they get sick, who will look after them? I don’t know, maybe my worries are unfounded but then again, having gone through some difficulties myself when I started living on my own, I can’t help myself from feeling this way. But anyway, I believe Xy and Bar are very much capable of living in their own now. They have proven it before, I am confident. they will make much better, this time. As I come closer to my golden year, I can’t help but realized that over the years, while some trials I’ve been through have drained me emotionally, physically and mentally, I have more to be thankful than to be sorry about.
I may not be the luckiest wife but I am blessed to be the most fortunate mom to my three children. I may have fall short of my duty as a wife when I failed to endure and sustain the sacrifices it entails but I can modestly say I managed to fulfill my duty as a good mom. And even if I fail to realize the ideal family that I have envisioned since I was a child, I am grateful for the opportunity that allowed me to make it possible for my children. Living is choosing. Our life is what we have chosen. While it is true that somehow, from birth, our paths have already been laden, going through our path is a choice we have to make. It is still not clear where my path would lead me but as I trace my way back, I have realized that though most of my tracks were bumpy and at few times almost at the dead end, I have trodden my path successfully. I have left enough marks along my way which I hope that when the road comes to an end, the history written along the path I have trodden lives on. It scares me to think or know where my path would lead me. I rather not know where it is leading me. All I want now is to continue walking, walk more miles and explore more avenues…walk to where my neuropathic leg would allow me….where the walkways would lead me and where the wind will take me..... |
AuthorA mother, an aunt, a sister and a friend, they embody Archives
February 2014
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