_ Friendly, hardworking and young at heart….that’s how I remember Inay, my mother-in-law. She was spontaneous and eloquent, she will always say what was in her mind. The matriarch of the Grejalde family, it took us sometime before we developed our closeness and trust with each other.
I had a taste of her spontaneity when one time, she questioned Benjie why he was giving Xylem her morning bath when it was supposed to be my duty while stressing that his job is to work and provide for his family. Before Benjie could reply, I butted in and threw her a question: “Bakit po, nanay lang ba ang may obligasyon na mag-asikaso ng anak? Eh nagtatrabaho din ako ah!” Little did she know that Benjie got used to giving her bath because of the arrangement we have made that in the absence of a maid, with his flexible work schedule, he will take an evening shift so he could look after Xylem at daytime while I was at work. That incident, however, made us closer than apart. I somehow gained her respect and from then on, I never heard any tongue slashes directed to me. We got to know each other more when after my operation in 1995; I stayed in Lian while recuperating. She was sweet in her own way; she would give me panutsa (molded sugar-coated peanuts) and bibingkoy, sticky rice cake stuffed with beans, almost every day as my merienda. She will also share with me her books. She loves to read Filipino paperbacks. “Nakakapagpabata ng puso,” she told me when I asked why she reads those love stories. Inay was an early riser; she’s up in their sugarcane farm at the crack of the dawn, walked her way there. And from the farm, she will buy pan-de-sal for our breakfast and pass by the market to buy fresh produce of either vegetables or fish or meat to be cooked for lunch and dinner. She has things to do all the time of the day. Among her daily routine was the stop to a friend’s house to play bingo in the afternoon. “Papasok na ako,” she will say before going to her bingo sessions. She’s only after the fun and the camaraderie, she said, she did not care about winning or losing. Very seldom you will see her in a serious mood. She was always happy. She knew almost everybody who passed by in front of the house and greet everyone of them. Her evening is capped by watching tele-novelas which she religiously follows. Reading sent her to sleep. A devout Catholic, she went to church and attended novena regularly. She was a devotee of the town’s patron St. John de Baptist. Though she has the command on almost everything in the house, she has not, however, forgotten her wifely duties. She personally looked after the welfare of Tatay when he became bedridden. She always made sure he was comfortable. Long before her death, she told me of her plans how she was going to leave her properties to her children. She wanted to make sure that they will not quarrel and get envious with the share she will leave to each of them. Inay was not used to be hugged and kissed. She felt shy whenever my children expressed their affection to her. She, however, proved to be an endearing lola to them. Every time we visited her, she will prepare their favorite dish of steamed sugpo. Nobody can eat the sugpo until we came. The sugpo has our names written on them, a joke everybody in the house says. And she was generous too. We always have fruits, vegetables, rice and some sweets to bring home to Laguna while the children will get money as her pabaon. I also have my share of her pabaon but with a strict reminder not to tell their dad. On the day she had her accident that led to her death a year ago now; Inay was on her top form and assertiveness. She refused to talk to me when Baby called up to inform me that she was at the hospital. I overheard her saying no and castigated them, “bakit ninyo sinabi sa kanya?” I later learned that her refusal to tell was to ensure that she will not be an added burden to the challenges we were facing that time. She knew that one way or the other, I have to inform Benjie of her situation. I haven’t remember sharing with her our marriage life but I was surprised when, few months before her death, she advised me to attend to my personal life now that the children are all grown-ups. “Tama na ang pagtitiis, malalaki na ang mga bata” were her exact words. Her gesture made me cry. Coming from a mother-in-law, it was something. Thank you Inay for your kindness. You will never know what I have been through but I was happy that you have understood me. And I may never be your real daughter but I have never felt being a stranger from you either. I know you are happier now and living peacefully in His presence.
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_ there are times we are caught in a situation
that left us no choice but to accept it; that we just continue to exist breath, see, look, listen mumble than talk, drift than walk and be numb. That we wish we are different Careless than attentive Egoist than selfless arrogant than kind illogical than intuitive _ Heard a great love story from an old Swedish lady confined at the same hospital where my daughter Xylem was recuperating following her accident. They share the room at the orthopedic ward of the Karolinska Sjukhuset.
She related to us the story of a guy who became paralyzed after a car accident and his fiancée who continued to show her love to him even after she got married. The incident happened over 30 years ago. The lovers were engaged to be married and on the night before the wedding, the guy who lives up north, travelled down to go to his girlfriend’s place. Unfortunately on that same night, it was winter time, dark and the road was slippery with thick pile of snow, he met a car accident. The backhoe operator cleaning the highway did not notice his car coming. He crashed his car and something him hit on the head The accident left him paralyzed and dumb, he can only move his eyes. Initially, the lady thought that she was jilted because he failed to show up on their wedding day but upon learning of the accident, she rushed to his side immediately. No wedding was held but she personally attends to his needs and devotes her time to his welfare. She had great love for him that it was only recently that she got married. Old age left her no chance to bear a child anymore. Being married does not, however, stopped her from looking after him. She spends one day, every week, to attend to his welfare. The guy, despite his state, is happy and this can be seen in his eyes. She is the reason for his continued existence. Such an enduring and selfless love….if only everyone has the kind of heart she possesses, this will be a beautiful world. _ Year 2011 has been one of my trying yet exciting years. It was the year when complicated decisions were made; when consequential and unforeseen events brought more emotional challenges than fulfillment, when motherhood, as always, won over my personal concerns and when I travelled more.
The year consequently brought me back to Stockholm, a lovely city which I call my little Venice yet until now I cannot feel I belong here. I also had the chance to travel back to Oslo, the city where I realized that we all have our saturation point, that acceptance is not always the key to a lasting relationship, and that selfishness has irreversible consequences. I also spent longer times in Denmark where in one occasion, a question thrown to me made me cry the whole day. The question evoked so much memory which has great impact on my current situation. It was during this year, though, that I have realized my dreams of going to Prague and Athens. I've been to Milan too where I got the chance to reconnect with a classmate I have not seen for 30 years. There were also some enhancing professional achievements, I attended some international events, widened my acquaintance in my field and managed to write news articles that were widely read. I started my own website where I regularly post my writings and photographs and received excellent reviews and comments. On the social aspect, I developed friendships and met people who have opened me to more realities in life…that we should not be afraid to express our feelings and speak our mind out even if at times, it can hurt others, and that we are only accountable to our own actions. It was an emotionally trying year but all the pain goes when I am with my children. I am happiest when I am with them. We may have the most unusual Filipino family set up but my children and I have accepted and learned how to live with it. I am blessed to have intelligent, emotionally and socially matured children. There are times I can feel they are more matured than I am when it comes to understanding life. They are adventurous; they are willing to face all the risks so they can live on their own. And it is inevitable that we will be living separately anytime soon and it is going to be another emotional struggle on my part but I strongly believe that with the values we have instilled in them and the strength they have acquired they can manage. And though the year ended with a very unfortunate incident, Xylem broke her feet that required operations, we all look forward to the promise of the New Year….job /business opportunity for me, further education and better job for my Xylem and Barbarella, graduation march for Bj and for Benjie, the realization that what has been lost can never be regained and that words spoken are irretrievable. |
AuthorA mother, an aunt, a sister and a friend, they embody Archives
February 2014
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